Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
