Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
