trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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