I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
