Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
3pm strippers are depressing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
