So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
