his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
