Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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