do herpes really smell.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't turn off my feet"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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