erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
