All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
