I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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