I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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