i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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