We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
