Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
