Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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