Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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