Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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