Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
