Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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