they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
