Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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