Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
