Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
