If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
