Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
