We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
