My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
