we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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