I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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