I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
