Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
