you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
