maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
