She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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