Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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