so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
