It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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