The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
