I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
