SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
