If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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