If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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