so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
