i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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