no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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