Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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