I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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