dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
